You clearly don't care, but I tell you anyway
Happy it's over.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
7/27/09
Tomorrow I am
having my first surgery ever.
Deniece says it’s my second, but
I don’t count wisdom teeth,
that’s dentistry, not surgery,
plus, the whole theme of this
post is lost if I admit that.
You know, the word “surgery”, is
oddly similar to the word
"sugary". Maybe they named
surgery that way to make it not
seem so bad…kind of how they
named a punch in the dick a
“lollipop”…oh, they didn’t?
Well, they should have.
So anyway, I will be doing my
small part in the prevention of
future babies. We lucked out
with two perfect angels, and I
can kind of feel a demon seed
swimming around inside me, so, I
think cutting off his exist*
strategy is probably a
good idea.
*exist strategy was a typo, but
it's way more clever than exit
strategy. I wish I could
be clever on purpose.
Deniece squeezed two children of
considerable head size out of
her loins. They are of half
Swedish descent, and
Scandinavians tend to have
significant melons ….and she is
of half German, half Hispanic,
half a bunch of other stuff
descent, and they are known to
be relatively small-loined, so,
good job Deniece!
She also spent years injecting
herself with black widow venom,
or whatever it is ladies take to
prevent babies these days. So,
going through the humiliation of
having Dr. Ballslicer’s face
wearing his spelunking headlamp,
and helmet, a mere inch or two
from Little Lancelot while
slicing, and dicing the Knights
with the speed, and ferocity of
the Can-Cutting-Ginsu-Knife-Guy
is really the least I can do.
I hereby retire as a gene-pool
contributor. I feel I have done
my part, and now it’s up to you
guys.
PS.
Having your first ever surgery
on your balls is like having a
calculus exam on your first day
of Kindergarten.
Tough way to start.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
7/14/09
We talked to a realtor/loan
guy about putting our house on
the market. Now I have a
list of things I need to do to
the house to make it ready.
Shit. If only I had the
balls of my Viking ancestors.
I would simply take my crap out
of my house, and burn it to the
ground so nobody else could have
it, then pick a house, claim it
as my own, and evict the sissy
European occupants. Simple
as that.
*Knock-Knock-Knock*
Hi, we're thinking about moving to this neighborhood, and were
wondering if you could tell us
about the schools?
Really? They're great?
Fantastic!
*Bonk-On-Head*
I hereby claim this manor in the
name of the mighty Odin!
Be gone at once!
Life used to be easy.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
6/24/09
Thing2 turned 7 years old
today. Happy birthday
buddy!
So,
for those of you who may be
counting, I have a 10 year old,
a 7 year old, and I have been
married for 13 years. If
you're any good at math, you
know that makes me 89 years old.
Time flies.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
6/15/09
13 years of marital bliss.
Thanks Deniece.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
05/20/09
Thing1 had a chorus concert
last night. They did all
Beatles songs, and it was really
cool. Here are some
photos:
Sometimes he sings like an angel.

Sometimes he doesn't
know
the words.
Sometimes he's really bored.

Sometimes he turns evil.

But most of the time he's just
plain awesome.

|
Peace I'm out!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
05/19/09
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
05/07/09
Seriously, if you don't know
me, or are easily bored, don't
watch this video. If I was
ever unsure about my actually
having ADD, watching myself on
video really hammers home the
fact that I have the attention
span of flea...with ADD.
I must be a really annoying
person to talk to. I
apologize to all of you who have
ever had to deal with me.
Really...think twice about
this video. There is no
benefit to watching it, and it's
about 15 minutes long.
You were warned.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
05/01/09
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
04/10/09
Lacrosse is all-consuming. It
seems like it's all we do. We
had 3 games this
past weekend, 2 for Thing1
and Thing2's
very 1st ever official game.
Before his game, Thing2 stated very matter-of-factly, "I am going to get a goal, and do all of my dodges." A dodge, for those of you unfamiliar with lacrosse is a move to get by an opponent. There are quite a few different ones that can be used in different situations. About a minute or 2 into his game, Thing2 scooped a loose ground ball, and ran it down field doing 2 face dodges, and a roll dodge, and finished with a goal. He only knows the face dodge, and the roll dodge so far, so he is a man of his word.
After that game (in Danville) we
had to race across the universe
to Palo Alto for thing1's game.
On the way, Thing2 officially
declared lacrosse the best sport
ever, and all Thing1 could say
was, "I tried to tell you!"
Mika, Raiden, Erin, and Shawn
came out to Thing1's game, so
that was awesome, it was great
to see you guys.
I'm having so much fun coaching.
Kids rule.

Thing1 got his braces off
yesterday WooHoo.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
03/18/09
Thing2 had a scrimmage last
night
during half-time of a high
school game. He had so much
fun, and this morning proclaimed
that he's going to be a professional
lacrosse player.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
03/17/09
Everybody is freaking out over
AIG giving out giant bonuses with
bailout money. This issue
sucks on many levels.
First of all, the US government
should not be in the business of
propping up failing companies.
Poorly run companies need
to fail.
The idea with the bailout is that
the Governemnt is helping to
stabilize key companies in the
private sector, to then in turn
stabilize the economy, and (or)
prevent further economic crisis.
The plan was NOT to make bailed out
companies government run entities,
therefore, the government has
no say, nor should they have
any say as to how the companies
decide to use the money that
shouldn't have been given in the
first place.
Of course, AIG's handling of bailout
money is obscene, but what did we
expect from a company like this?
They do not make good financial
decisions. This is no surprise!
If I'm stupid enough to give my
idiot step-cousin money for rent,
and he spends it on hookers and
cocaine, when it was common
knowledge that he spent all of his
previous money on hookers and
cocaine, then the only one I have to
blame is myself.
If the government can dictate how
AIG spends its bailout money, what's
to keep them from telling you and I
how to spend our stimulus
money?
The slope is getting lubed with
KY-Jelly as we speak. Get
ready for the ride.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
03/12/09
Thing 1 turned 10 today.
Wow. I have been a father for
a decade. That's insane to me.
Happy Birthday Buddy!
The day before yesterday he shut
his thumb in the classroom
door...hard. His thumb was
stuck in the hinge side of the door,
and he couldn't reach the
handle...so he was stuck until
somebody else opened it. When
questioned about why/how, he said
shaking his head, "...I have no idea
what I was doing." So, now he
has a black thumbnail, and a really
sore thumb. I'm ready for him
to stop getting hurt at school.
He said he didn't cry, or tell his
teacher because he didn't want to
make a scene.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++