You clearly don't care, but I tell you anyway                                  

7/30/09
Well, I survived.
 
I really did not enjoy that at all.  I made some mental notes during the ordeal.
 
1)  Being a manscaping novice, I was utterly confused about the definition of the word "Shaving".  In all the literature they gave me, it said "DO NOT SHAVE".  So, naturally, I didn't shave.  When I got into the torture chamber, the 1st thing the nurse asked me is, "Did you shave?".  I told her that the literature instructed me not to, and she said, "But, you're supposed to trim."  I can't be the only guy who was confused by that, because she handed me a device that looked kind of like a beard trimmer, only it was white, and looked all hospitaly.  She didn't tell me where to shave, and she was gone before I poked my head out to ask.  I had a rough idea, so I went to work.  I was in a poorly lit bathroom, and I drew blood from 3 separate locations around my area.  Trimming is something I would have much preferred doing in the comfort of my own home, with some professional lighting, and a support crew.  Perhaps the scrot-chewing trimmer was just a tool to toughen me up, and get me ready.  We had only just begun, and I was already feeling really bad for not treating my junk better over the years.
 
2) Numbing the vas with 4 shots of local anesthesia on both sides helps with the snips, and cauterizing, but it does nothing for the surface of the coin-purse during the sewing up process...NOTHING!
 
3) Everything in your body is attached to something else.  Common knowledge, tell us the vas are connected to the testicles.  On the flip side of that, a Dr. tugging the vas out of a hole in your scrotum allows you to feel where it's connected on the other end, up in your lower guts somewhere...not pleasant.
 
4) It's 2009, shouldn't somebody have invented silent surgical scissors?!  I can still hear those *SNIP*s echoing in my mind.
 
5)  If a Doctor is ever cutting open your scrotum, and snipping things that are attached to your testicles, the last thing you ever want to hear him say is, "Sorry!  Sorry!".  Of course the apology was appreciated, because it was right after a split second of HORRIBLE pain that traveled from my left plum to my solar plexus, and back again.  I think he accidentally hit the ZAP button on the cauterizing tool, and hit the vas in a place that wasn't numb...or else he was just checking to see if I was paying attention. 
 
6) Trimmed pubes are pokey itchy pubes.
 
7) As I sit here on my swollen man-perch (man-purse), I find myself pondering the question:  Would 6 to 10 more children have been such a bad thing?  ;-)

Happy it's over.

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7/27/09
 Tomorrow I am having my first surgery ever.  Deniece says it’s my second, but I don’t count wisdom teeth, that’s dentistry, not surgery, plus, the whole theme of this post is lost if I admit that.  You know, the word “surgery”, is oddly similar to the word "sugary".  Maybe they named surgery that way to make it not seem so bad…kind of how they named a punch in the dick a “lollipop”…oh, they didn’t?   Well, they should have.

So anyway, I will be doing my small part in the prevention of future babies.  We lucked out with two perfect angels, and I can kind of feel a demon seed swimming around inside me, so, I think cutting off his exist* strategy is probably a good idea. 
*exist strategy was a typo, but it's way more clever than exit strategy.  I wish I could be clever on purpose.

Deniece squeezed two children of considerable head size out of her loins.  They are of half Swedish descent, and  Scandinavians tend to have significant melons ….and she is of half German, half Hispanic, half a bunch of other stuff descent, and they are known to be relatively small-loined, so, good job Deniece!

She also spent years injecting herself with black widow venom, or whatever it is ladies take to prevent babies these days.  So, going through the humiliation of having Dr. Ballslicer’s face wearing his spelunking headlamp, and helmet, a mere inch or two from Little Lancelot while slicing, and dicing the Knights with the speed, and ferocity of the Can-Cutting-Ginsu-Knife-Guy is really the least I can do.

I hereby retire as a gene-pool contributor.  I feel I have done my part, and now it’s up to you guys.

PS.
Having your first ever surgery on your balls is like having a calculus exam on your first day of Kindergarten. 

Tough way to start.

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7/14/09
We talked to a realtor/loan guy about putting our house on the market.  Now I have a list of things I need to do to the house to make it ready.  Shit.  If only I had the balls of my Viking ancestors.  I would simply take my crap out of my house, and burn it to the ground so nobody else could have it, then pick a house, claim it as my own, and evict the sissy European occupants.  Simple as that.

*Knock-Knock-Knock*
 Hi, we're thinking about moving to this neighborhood, and were wondering if you could tell us about the schools?

Really?  They're great?  Fantastic!

*Bonk-On-Head*

I hereby claim this manor in the name of the mighty Odin! Be gone at once!

Life used to be easy.

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6/24/09
 Thing2 turned 7 years old today.  Happy birthday buddy!

So, for those of you who may be counting, I have a 10 year old, a 7 year old, and I have been married for 13 years.  If you're any good at math, you know that makes me 89 years old.  Time flies.

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6/15/09
13 years of marital bliss.  Thanks Deniece.

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05/20/09
Thing1 had a chorus concert last night.  They did all Beatles songs, and it was really cool.  Here are some photos:

                         Sometimes he sings like an angel.

 
       Sometimes he doesn't            
             know the words.                    Sometimes he's really bored.


                                   Sometimes he turns evil.


                   But most of the time he's just plain awesome.


|

                                       Peace I'm out!


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05/19/09

The Ledin family lacrosse season is over, and it went out with a bang.
 
This weekend we had Thing1's playoffs, and for the second year in a row, his team took it all.  We marched through the playoffs, beating teams that had beaten teams that had beaten us.  In the first round in a game against the Ross Valley Grizzlies we were down 0-4 at halftime, and somehow the boys battled back, and won it 5-4.  It was awesome.  The next day we had the semi-final, and final.  It was 112 degrees down on the field, but the kids didn't let that phase them, and they easily handled two teams that looked far better than us on paper.
 
In all the years I played baseball, and football, I never had a season where we won more than we lost, and my 10 year old has already had two championship seasons.  Very cool.
 
I can't wait to coach again next year.

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05/07/09
Seriously, if you don't know me, or are easily bored, don't watch this video.  If I was ever unsure about my actually having ADD, watching myself on video really hammers home the fact that I have the attention span of flea...with ADD.  I must be a really annoying person to talk to.  I apologize to all of you who have ever had to deal with me.

Really...think twice about this video.  There is no benefit to watching it, and it's about 15 minutes long.
 

 

You were warned.


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05/02/09
Ok, So apparently even in E-Reunions you can get called out for bullshit. (see post below).
 
So...No, I actually don't work out, and yes, my wife is not only hotter than I deserve, she's just all around way too good for me.  I am a schlub.  You all happy?!
 
I did leave off some interesting facts about me though.
 
I enjoy cliff-diving, hang-gliding, base-jumping, and other hyphenated activities that allow me to high-five my asshole buddies after doing, and yell "EXTREME!!!!".
 
I created my own style of Kung Fu.  It is almost too complex to teach, so, as of now I have only one student.  Howie is progressing nicely (see pic below).  If you think you're worthy of learning Bung Fu ®©™, meditate for 4 to 6 minutes, and then send me a check for five thousand dollars, and I'll email you the secret.

I put Howie in charge of marketing, and here's a new promo flyer he came up with.
 
There's a lot of other impressive stuff I've done to, but I'm too busy experiencing curing Spontaneous Diarrhea to go in to it.  Maybe I'll just go to the reunion and tell everybody.

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05/01/09

My 1989 Campolindo High School graduating class is gearing up for it's 20 year reunion, and I have no interest in going.  Sure, there are a couple people I'd like to see, and re-connect with, but it all sounds like a hassle.  I'm not the kind of guy who is prone to spontaneous sentimentality.  High school was fine, the people were fine, I was never bullied, and I was never a bully,  I made some great friends, reached some milestones, and learned some valuable life-lessons, but try as I may, I just find it hard to care about going back.
 
A high school reunion to me seems like the real-life equivalent of Facebook, but without the benefit of being able to avoid awkward hugs, and handshakes.
 
So, if anybody from Campo '89 is curious, I'm still alive, and happy.

Let's do this reunion the easy internet way:

E-Handshake
E-Hug
E-Kiss-on-the-Cheek
E-Oh-My-God-He-Got Fat!
E-Wow-..."Bald"-Would-Be-Putting-It-Nicely.
E-Yes, I do look great
E-I know!-My wife is much hotter than I deserve.
E-"See" you in 20 more years!
 
tom 

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04/10/09
Lacrosse is all-consuming.  It seems like it's all we do.  We had 3 games this past weekend, 2 for Thing1 and Thing2's very 1st ever official game.

Before his game, Thing2 stated very matter-of-factly, "I am going to get a goal, and do all of my dodges."  A dodge, for those of you unfamiliar with lacrosse is a move to get by an opponent.  There are quite a few different ones that can be used in different situations.  About a minute or 2 into his game, Thing2 scooped a loose ground ball, and ran it down field doing 2 face dodges, and a roll dodge, and finished with a goal.  He only knows the face dodge, and the roll dodge so far, so he is a man of his word.

After that game (in Danville) we had to race across the universe to Palo Alto for thing1's game.  On the way, Thing2 officially declared lacrosse the best sport ever, and all Thing1 could say was, "I tried to tell you!"  Mika, Raiden, Erin, and Shawn came out to Thing1's game, so that was awesome, it was great to see you guys.

I'm having so much fun coaching.  Kids rule.

Thing1 got his braces off yesterday  WooHoo.


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03/18/09
Thing2 had a scrimmage last night during half-time of a high school game.  He had so much fun, and this morning proclaimed that he's going to be a professional lacrosse player.


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03/17/09
Everybody is freaking out over AIG giving out giant bonuses with bailout money.  This issue sucks on many levels.

First of all, the US government should not be in the business of propping up failing companies. Poorly run companies need to fail.

The idea with the bailout is that the Governemnt is helping to stabilize key companies in the private sector, to then in turn stabilize the economy, and (or) prevent further economic crisis.

The plan was NOT to make bailed out companies government run entities, therefore, the government has no say, nor should they have any say as to how the companies decide to use the money that shouldn't have been given in the first place.

Of course, AIG's handling of bailout money is obscene, but what did we expect from a company like this? They do not make good financial decisions. This is no surprise!

If I'm stupid enough to give my idiot step-cousin money for rent, and he spends it on hookers and cocaine, when it was common knowledge that he spent all of his previous money on hookers and cocaine, then the only one I have to blame is myself.

If the government can dictate how AIG spends its bailout money, what's to keep them from telling you and I how to spend our stimulus money?

The slope is getting lubed with KY-Jelly as we speak.  Get ready for the ride.

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03/12/09
Thing 1 turned 10 today.  Wow.  I have been a father for a decade.  That's insane to me.  Happy Birthday Buddy!

The day before yesterday he shut his thumb in the classroom door...hard.  His thumb was stuck in the hinge side of the door, and he couldn't reach the handle...so he was stuck until somebody else opened it.  When questioned about why/how, he said shaking his head, "...I have no idea what I was doing."  So, now he has a black thumbnail, and a really sore thumb.  I'm ready for him to stop getting hurt at school.  He said he didn't cry, or tell his teacher because he didn't want to make a scene.

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