So Much Less Than Awesome

California is a complete mess.  The elected officials have their heads so far up their asses that it has been scientifically* proven that their heads actually pass upward through the digestive tract, up the esophagus, and finally out of the mouth so it looks as though they are just normal people with their heads on their necks, and not way up their asses.

While difficult to prove, my theory is that there is a direct correlation between the power of the political office held, and how many times their heads makes the loop from ass to mouth.  I believe the Austrian Robot from the future who governs us may actually have a head that makes the ass-mouth-circuit 7 times.  While he has not submitted himself for testing, there are many indications that this estimate is accurate.  I’m too busy to verify that, so just google it**.

Yes, school funding is in the crapper, but I don’t need any learnin’ smarts to know this is science* people!  And some science you just have to learn on the streets.

*If I’ve learned anything from modern day scientists, it’s that the word ‘Science’ is Latin for:  Confuse them enough to scare them so they give you money to keep confusing and scaring them, then get more money and use part of that on booze and strippers that look like sexy librarians, and then pretend to do more science stuff.”  Honestly I’m surprised we don’t have a scientist infestation problem like our lawyer problem.  It seems like a pretty kick-ass job.

If you’re questioning my qualifications, just remember that I used words like ‘theory’,  ‘indications’, and ‘esophagus’, and big words usually equals high-science, and while I used the word ‘ass’, or ‘asses’ four times, I never once used the word ‘asshole’.  SO, there you go.

The prosecution rests your honor.

The above photograph is 25 year old Owen McNulty on his 1^st day as a city councilman for the city of Saskatoon in the year 1949 .  It was a part-time position, and without much of a salary to protect, his head only made it so far.  He later moved to California, and became the Mayor of the city of Richmond, and his head successfully made its first full-loop.  He went on to have a distinguished career as a lobbyist for the tobacco industry in Washington, and, eventually became a Congressman in California.  At the time of his death in 1993 it is said that his head went up his ass, out and around again a record 17 times.  His autopsy results were classified, and disappeared under mysterious circumstances years later.

** I may have told you to google it earlier, but as a foremost authority, you should probably just get into the practice of believing every word I say.  In fact, maybe you should just go ahead and delete google.