tomledin.com, Photoshop Resources, custom photoshop Brushes, photoshop tutorials, Digital Art Gallery, tom Ledin, ledin

03/21/05
3rd board graphic. This one is a spoof on the Newcastle Brown Ale label.

Buy them here, or here shortly.

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03/18/05

Here's the story. My 6 year old Thing 1, and my 2.5 year old Thing 2 were playing monsters on our bed after their showers. Thing 1 was pretending to be a "Love Monster", and Thing 2 was pretending to be a "Lava Monster". Thing 1 said, "Daddy, when I touch you, you get love." Then Thing 2 said, "When I touch you, you are HOT."

So we were playing this game, and every time Thing 2 touched me, I said, "OUCH, hot!", and every time Thing 1 touched me, I said, "Ahhh, love!". Well the game got a little crazy, and Thing 2 was jumping on the bed yelling, 'HOT!!!!"

So I must have been a little distracted when Thing 1 asked me, "Dad, you know what happens when The Lava Monster, and the Love Monster touch?", because, without even thinking I said (loudly so I could be heard over the Lava Monster),
"YOU MAKE HOT LOVE?!"

Thank God they are only 2, and 6. Somehow they didn't even notice their mother crying on the floor in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

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3/17/05
Thing 2 (2.5years old) was pretending he was a fish this morning. I asked him, "What's your name fish?"

His answer: "Lingus"

Lingus the Fish. I almost choked to death on my bagel. Kids rule!

I of course am assuming you will all think of the word 'Cunnilingus' when you see 'Lingus', so this might only be funny to me.

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03/16/05
The US government has updated their recommended amount of exercise that healthy adults should be getting. That's right folks, we should be getting a whopping 60-90 minutes of exercise...every day!

I'm not buying it though. I say it's a clever ruse to get us to do any exercise. Think about it. Even if most Americans (you know, the fattest people in the universe) got 15 minutes of exercise 3 times a year, that would be WAAAY more than they're getting now, but if the govt. actually said we only needed 15 minutes, 3 times a year, we would translate that to mean we actually don't need any at all.

So now, just like a parent who says, "You have to eat all of your broccoli.", but is actually thinking, 'even if he takes a few bites, that would be super duper', our government is saying, "You need to exercise an hour and a half every single day." in hopes that we may actually just do our 15 minutes 3 times a year.

Tricky bastards. Maybe they are trying to kill a bunch of us to make Social Security last longer.

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03/14/05

On another note, my son Thing 2 got potty trained in the last week! He is 2 and a half, and he only sleeps in diapers, but he doesn't even need to do that, as he's been waking up dry STUD! Now if we could only get him to stay in his bed all night. Although, in his defense, there apparently was a crocodile who crawled into his bed last night, so he decided it would be best to sleep with us...I say, 'good call'.

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03/12/05
Happy birthday Thing 1!!!!!! 6 years old, wow!

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03/10/05
Another board graphic done! This one was finished a while ago, but the final product came in the mail yesterday. Tim from Five Points Skateboard asked if I wanted to try and do a deck graphic for his rider Chris Higgens. Chris wanted a "three toed sloth hanging upside down in a tree with his name spelled out in leaves"...so there you have it. This is actually the 1st board graphic I ever did (second to come in the mail). This one is screened in five colors.

Go buy one! Five Points is a cool company, and at $40 + S/H, that's a good deal.

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03/08/05
Last night crawling up into the top bunk in my kids' room, I tore off a hardy cheek flapper, and said, "Wow, this bed is squeaky!" To which my 5 year old replied, "Dad, you make too many fart jokes."

The honeymoon is over, and my 5 year old is officially more mature than me...in my defense, he's a worldly and mature almost six.

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03/01/05
You were probably wondering why kids are cool for a guy like me? Well, kids are cool because now I'm not the only one laughing at the Ford 'Super Doodie' commercials, and where it used to be just the wife and I, and she has always had a indifference for my flatulence, I now have an audience of two who seem to enjoy my flatus almost as much as I do.

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02/16/05
Why is it that people who share opposite traits tend to vilify each other.

Example:
Skinny people with overactive metabolisms who can eat as much of anything they want and never gain weight seem to always have a problem with fat people, and believe it’s lack of self-control that makes them fat. Why is that?

Likewise, fat people HATE those skinny hyper-metabolismed individuals, but they tend to keep quiet about it.

This phenomenon must explain why I hate smart people

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02/11/05

You're sitting on the toilet (insert your favorite poo euphemism here, I like 'leading the Browns to the super bowl'). The game is over, and it was a blowout, and the Browns have left the field in victory. You know in your heart, you will be a Hall of Fame coach someday...in other words, all went well...or so you thought.

You finish cleaning up the sidelines (for some reason, that's your job as well as being coach), when all of a sudden you see (feel) one big dumb slow Brown running onto the feild. You yell at him, "The game is over you big lazy pile of crap!", but he tries to ignore you. It's number 2, Doodie Turdman, 4th string tight end.

Turdman stands there on the sideline, inching his way onto the field. "Hit the showers Doodie!" you tell him. "But coach, you gotta put me in, you just have to. My mom is watching!"

He begins chanting rhythmically with increasing intensity, "Put me in Coach! Put me in Coach!! Put me in Coach!!! Put me in Coach!!!! Put me in Coach!!!!! PUT ME IN COACH!!!!!!"

What can you do? "Alright you big dumb shithead, go make your momma proud!"...and you put him in. At this rate, you'll be cleaning the sidelines all night.

02/02/05
You know what's really not awesome?
When you are in a big hurry but you stink, so you decide to jump in the shower. (That's not the not awesome part....it's coming).

I am a big fan of the speed shower. I can wash my body, and my hair in less than a minute, if I decide to shave, I'm in there two minutes tops. Nothing gets left unwashed in a speed shower, however, more often than not, the time I saved by showering at supersonic speeds is lost when I get out, begin drying myself, and then notice a bunch of soap hiding under one or more armpits. "DAMNIIT ALL STRAIGHT TO HELL AND BACK AGAIN!" I usually scream at the top of my lungs (which is probably too long of a curse since I'm in a huge hurry). Turning the shower back on, getting back in, and re-rinsing, then drying off...again negates any time I originally saved by being in speed shower mode.

My day is thus ruined.

I am considering having my armpits removed.

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02/01/05
I would like to start a small skateboard company but I cannot figure out a name. I have about 40 names I like, but I know they would not appeal to anyone else. I have a difficult time being mature....ever, so most of the names I come up with are completely stupid...and make me laugh.

I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I was an international business major with a marketing emphasis.

I can't understand why I'm not a millionaire.

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1/27/05
How is it possible that the rule of law can forcibly remove a child from unfit parents, but refuse to even consider preventing those same unfit parents from having more children...or even better, preventing them from having children in the first place. To prevent somebody from having children sounds terrifyingly Orwellian....until you catch the 'abandoned infant', 'neglected children', or 'mother murders her kids' stories on the news, and you realize what terrifying really is.

There should at the very least be some simple rules. If you've ever purposefully injured a child, you are surgically prevented from having your own. If you are currently on welfare, you are forbidden from having (more) children until you find gainful employment. If you are stupid enough to leave your child locked in the car.....no kids for you!

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1/24/05
We were walking around Target Friday evening, I was looking to buy a Time Machine, but had to settle for the next best thing.....a Bread Machine. It makes bread. The excitement never wanes.

Coming home from a trip is the best. When I'm driving home after being away, I feel an incredible sense of warmth, and happiness when see Mount Diablo looming in the distance from the freeway. It means I'm getting close. I have always loved Mount Diablo, and have spent countless hours there hiking, biking, and rock climbing. To me, that little mountain in Contra Costa symbolizes home.

...that being said, the other night in the bath, my 5 year old son was laying back, relaxing, enjoying his bath when out of the blue he said, "My penis looks just like Mount Diablo!"......That mountain will always symbolize home to me, but I'll never look at it the same way again.

1/13/05
So I finally got a board graphic on a real skateboard company. Check it out!

Go buy this board from Sacrifice Skates....now!

Stay tuned, I have a few more graphics coming out on a few different companies.

Yeah, they're in the playoffs, but they don't deserve to be....but what a sweet win in Greenbay.
They can redeem themselves from two embarrassing late season slides by winning the superbowl.

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1/11/05

Now, I fully understand that people are into different things. I get a lot of searches for "Fat women", "Skinny women", and even "ugly women", fine, we're all into different stuff, but things only get more odd from there. Everyday, people arrive here by searching on things like "women with beards", and "no legged women"...ok, I can deal with that. some guys think bearded women are hot....to each his own. More troubling are the people who arrive here by searching on stuff like "crap on face", "pics of women pooping", "fat ugly woman shitting", mmmmkay.. what exactly is that all about?!?! Yet still, it's legal, and whatever two consenting adults want to do with their free time is fine with me.

Yet, there is still another layer of darkness that is terrifying... the freaks of nature who are searching for child porn. Yesterday alone I got 25 different people at my site who used google to search for variations of "nude 14 year old". There was, "14 year old in thong", "14 year old naked", dildo, sex, posing nude, etc. What's wrong with you sickos?! And why is 14 the magic number? These are all different people, each day, (once they get duped by coming here looking for kiddie porn, they tend not to come back). So, every damn day, at least 20 people get here looking for pictures of 14 year olds. Why 14? Why children?!

All I know is that if I had a daughter, I would NEVER leave her side from between the ages of about.....well, 0 to 18. Think about it! I get between 250, and 500 unique visitors each day, and a frighteningly large number of them come here for child pornography. Let's look at yesterday. 304 different people came here, most looking for photoshop brushes, and tutorials, however, 74 of them were here looking for pornography of some kind, and of those 74, 25 were here looking for porn with 14 year olds. Let's break that down.

304 unique visitors
74 here for porn 24%

I might be extrapolating a bit much for a statistician, but if 8% of the population is sick minded purveyors of child porn, then I wish I could move.......off this planet. To all of you assholes who get here by searching for child porn I'd like to say a collective "FUCK YOU" from me, and all my normal readers.

Now, to all my normal readers, go here http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/intro.htm and see what kind of raping, molesting, pedophile assholes live in your neighborhood. It will tell you their offenses, and even show you a picture of the scumbag, so you can tell him to "fuck off" when he stops to ask you directions.

When cars with headlights that turn off automatically a few minutes after leaving the car were first introduced I fell into the Good Samaritan trap way too many times by providing a kind, "Your lights are on!" as the driver was walking away from their car, and it was always followed up with a snotty, "I know, they turn off by themselves!" Which always left me thinking, 'You lazy piece of shit, flip a switch, give your car a break, doesn't it do enough for your fat ass already?!'

So now these things have been around for years, and if I see a car parked with its headlights on, I don't even think twice, but what sucks is that nobody else thinks twice either. So, if you don't drive one of those new fangled space cars that has automatic lights, you're screwed if you leave your lights on, because nobody is going to tell you, and your battery is going to die...
Stupid technological progress.

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12/15/04

A new study has surfaced that indicates more people die of heart attacks on Christmas day than any other day during the year. The day with the second highest number of fatal heart attacks is the day after Christmas, and New Years' day comes in at third. The highest rates of death by all other natural causes also comes on those days respectively, and of course we all know that fatalities from auto accidents peak during this time of year as well. So, with all that in mind...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
By the way, researchers do not have any explanation as to why an inordinate number of people die on those days. My guess is that Santa wasn't quite getting his point across with coal, and has decided to raise the bar...

You better watch out, if you don't want to die, you better do a sit-up I'm telling you why...Grim Reaper Clause is coming to town...
He knows what you've been eating, he knows you don't buckle up, he knows the only exercise that you get is climbing in your pickup truck...oh, you better go jog, you really should try, you better eat some veggies I'm telling you why, Grim Reaper Clause is coming to town.

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12/08/04
24 years ago today Vladimir Lenin was shot Near Central Park In NY City by Mark Tracy Chapman a crazy Jodie Sweetin fan, who was carrying a copy of The Iliad. The Rolling Stones Reunion everyone had hoped for would sadly never be.

...anyway. When I heard on the radio that John Lennon was killed 24 years ago, I was saddened.......by the fact that I am getting really old. I am not supposed to have really clear 24 year old memories! Damn you Mark David Chapman!!!! Damn you straight to hell!!!......and you too Yoko!
7-5
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11/29/04
Having 4 days off blows. It's not long enough to get truly relaxed, or get anything of substance done, but it is just long enough to make coming back to work really suck ass. Stupid Pilgrams.
7-4

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11/22/04
We went to see The Incredibles...very cool movie. It's so awesome being able to go to the movies with both the boys.
6-4 Finally got a W.