If you are here to read old stupid stuff I have said, scroll down and read away! ....then consider getting a hobby!

Archive # 4
Feb 2nd - Mar 8th 2004


3/08/04
Thursday I yelled at a pedestrian for crossing the street in front of me against the light, not once, but TWICE.  As I was waiting to turn right, he slowly strutted across in front of me, taking his sweet time.  When he finally got across, I started to turn right, and he then started to cross the street I was turning onto, again against the light, so I politely told him, "THE RED HAND MEANS DON'T WALK YOU ASSHOLE!"  as I rolled past him.  I must have startled him, because his response was obviously unrehearsed.  He Immediately spat back,
"EAT DUST YOU FARKERGN!...." 
I paused, stunned at the lame comeback.  I watched him for a moment, and he just dropped his head, and kept walking, obviously embarrassed at the ridiculous garbled mess of words he'd just vomited.  It was really funny.  I'm betting that in the future, when he's a dickhead pedestrian, he'll be a little bit better prepared.

Eat dust you farkergn!

My old pal Brent is visiting from Hawaii, so he came over to hang out, and skate the ramp. See Brent's pics here!

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3/04/04
Today my (almost 5 year old) son told me:

 Dad, when I'm grown up, and done being an astronaut, I'm gonna be in a band called The Power Adger Wingull Seagull Band."

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3/02/04
This weekend my old pals Shawn and Dickson came over for a play-date.
We played on the mini-ramp, then went to our old stomping grounds in Moraga to check out the new Moraga Skate Park.
It's amazing how things change.  When I was a kid, cops would stop you for even having a skateboard, even if you weren't riding it.

Now almost every town around me is home to a new skate park.  It's amazing how the shunned can become the venerated once the corporate advertising giants plant the seeds of popularity in the minds of all of us sheep.  When I was a kid skateboarding was a hobby for vandals, and punkers.  Part of the draw for me at least was that not only was I having a blast skating, but my friends and I were revered as outlaws of sorts. 

It was ILLEGAL to skate just about everything, but we did it anyway.  We never drank, or did drugs like our peers, but we were the ones running from the cops most of the time.  Now that skateboarding is so mainstream, I wonder who the cops are chasing?

Now, I'm not complaining about the current popularity of skateboarding, I think it's rad.  Kids today have so many more opportunities to skate really good spots without that added worry that I always had (Officer Todd taking my skateboard away from me).  It's just that skateboarding is different. I'm not talking about the tricks being different, that's a given.  I mean the whole mentality, and motivation seems different...not bad, just different. 

ANYWAY.....
Most of the Moraga park is just 'ok', but the bowl is pretty sweet.  I was intimidated by the huge crowds, so I mostly played photographer.  Shawn thought he was 16 again, and sprained his ankle doing an ollie over a garbage can.

Secretly, I can't wait for skateboarding to go into another down phase where it falls off the map in terms of popularity.  Most of the trend seekers will disappear, and the parks will still be around....empty, except for me, and my old rickety friends.  Skateboarding has fallen in and out of favor a few times since I began skating in 1984, and I'm sure it will continue to do so.

Shawn, heal yourself quickly!  We're going to Vans with Brent soon!  (he says he's going to be designated photographer, but I know he'll skate...he thinks he's 16 after all).
Pictures from our Sunday February 29th session.

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2/26/04
I am OUTRAGED that my government is spending time, energy, and my tax dollars to attack, suppress, and vilify people in the entertainment industry who are deemed indecent. Janet flashed a boobie. BIG FUCKING DEAL. Sure, that should not have been done on a family oriented show, but now my brave congress is trying to get radio DJ's off the air. The difference? I KNOW Howard is going to talk about breasts and vaginas and be a mean hearted asshole: so, Howard is not on in my car with my kids. As soon as they're out of the car though, it's a mean-hearted-breast-vagina-party!

I have listened to Howard Stern since I was about 12, and I turned out ok.

State mandated decency will do nothing but send people even further the other way. Look at all the crap about gay marriage. What's making all the gay people want to get married? The fact that someone told them they can't.

The world is upside down. 'Republican' historically meant SMALL GOVERNMENT, but now this republican administration is growing government, and government interference at an alarming rate. Make it STOP! Unfortunately It will be even worse with the democrats. WE'RE ALL SCREWED!

I am making a call for the IMMEDIATE DISMANTLING OF THE FCC. That organization is an affront to the 1st amendment of the US Constitution. Freedom of speech should be just that, without limits, without fines, WITHOUT BIG BROTHER LISTENING!

It's not the government's job to worry about what my kids are exposed to. It's my job. I will remain aware of what they are seeing, and hearing. I will determine what might be harmful to them. That's what parents are supposed to do.

Look at our collective morality today, and how it's changed over the years. Yes, people ARE different, and the world IS a meaner place, but is that the government's fault because they allowed us to be exposed to that which is deemed indecent? OF COURSE NOT! It's the PARENT'S FAULT!!!!!!!

If your kid grows up to be a crack-addicted-gay-prostitute with a penchant for snuff films and bestiality, I can guarantee you that no level of censorship, or government intervention would have changed him. Much of his morality is hard-wired in his brain, and much of it has to do with how he was raised.

Raise your kids to respect each other, and MAKE SURE they know what is right, and what is wrong, and don't think for a minute that the government can do a better job, and please, don't even let them try.

FUCK. It's just a word. It can't hurt you.

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2/25/04
A couple things have angered me today.

1) Why do some ass-wads feel the need to crash their cars on the way to work on rainy mornings when the traffic is bad anyway. Here's a tip DON'T CRASH!

2)The deli sandwich: While completely delicious it is a fundamentally flawed design. You take a nice big bite, and every time, the sandwich poops out all the good stuff from the back. I HATE THAT!

3) Everybody is always talking about how the Mexican immigrant workers in the US are doing all the jobs that Americans wouldn't want, but I'm thinking, 'Don't we have a homeless problem in the US?!?!?!' Why aren't the able-bodied homeless/jobless Americans clamoring after these so-called migrant worker jobs? I'll tell you why. Picking strawberries is difficult, and welfare is easy.
--I don't have anything against the migrant worker like so many do. They come here, and work their asses off for very little, but what they lack in pay is surely made up for in pride. I wish I could say that about the Americans who could be doing those jobs.

I need a nap.

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2/24/04
This morning in my office there was a mandatory meeting about Violence in the workplace.  I was thinking, "Sweet!"  A no-holds-barred-free-for-all-cage-match!  I was working on my kung fu on the way to the meeting.  Well, to my disappointment, it was all about the prevention of violence in the work place.  My brass knuckles and karate uniform didn't go over too well.

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2/20/04
Just once I'd like to see the, 'I'm a proud homosexual' rainbow stickers on a burly gas guzzling monster truck instead of the oh-so-gay hybrid and (or) electric conservation mobiles.

Today at a stoplight I was behind a purple Toyota Prius with a big rainbow sticker on the back, and a vanity plate that read something like "Tiklme". I thought to myself, "Gee, you're a homosexual, who'duh thunk it? I never would have known without the rainbow sticker."

I know some people might read this, and think, "Hey! I drive a hybrid, and I'm not gay!" To which I'd say, "It's not so much that you're not gay…per say. It's just that you most likely have not yet accepted, or recognized your sexuality. Buying the gay car was a big step though! Nice work! Don't worry, when you come out, we'll all still like you."

Now, I'm not saying that conservationism is gay, I'm a big fan of it, and I'm straight. But c'mon, those cars seem as though they were specifically designed to keep track of the gay population. If you're gay, and in the market for a car, try a Hummer. I think that sends a pretty clear message too, without being all sissy-like.

"But what about the planet?!?!!!!!??????  Hummers will destroy Mother Earth!

Don't worry! There is nothing we can do to the planet that it can't handle. 
Sure, if we piss it off enough it will kill us all, and then go on about it's business, but please don't worry about actually hurting Mother Earth, she can handle ANYTHING we can dish out.

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2/19/04

I envy people who make things for a living. I make nothing. I move bits, and bytes around, work with software that other people have made, and work with computers that somebody else built with their hands. My father-in-law builds and remodels houses, my brother is a landscaper, my friend Shawn creates multimedia stuff. I would love to do any of those things.

At the end of the day, I walk out of the office with nothing to show for my day's work.

I get my paycheck through direct deposit, so that, while being easy, is also totally unsatisfying.

Yesterday I spent ALL day trying to get various parts of some piece of crap software installed. I had everything installed at one point, with nothing working the way it should, so I removed everything to start from scratch the next day. So, I walked out of the office after 9 hours of work without a lunch break having accomplished nothing. NOTHING!


I wish I could grow my own food. How satisfying it must be to sit down at the dinner table after a back breaking day in the fields to feast on the food that I had grown from seeds and dirt.

I would love to see the personnel Announcement that would be emailed to everybody on my last day, I hope it would read something like this:

Today will be Tom Ledin's last day with THE FIRM. 

Tom has decided to pursue other career opportunities. Tom Has been with THE FIRM for 9 years, and has played an integral part in helping us all pretend we are doing something important when we install vaporware, and constantly shuffle from office space to office space in an effort to save a dollar, and look busy at the same time.

We wish Tom the best of luck in his new life as a farmer.


THE MAN

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2/18/04
My wife smuggled a Swiss army knife on a flight (accidentally).

All the stuff they make us go through at the airport for our security is TOTAL CRAP. We've all heard a few stories about weapons getting on board planes even with the beefed up post 9-11 security, but after witnessing it happen first hand, my comfort level is now in the toilet.

The people who are responsible for airport screening are morons who don't care what gets on board, because they'll be safe on the ground wasting everybody's time pretending to look for weapons.
My newest bright idea:

Airports should randomly pick screeners to go on random flights everyday. I think that might make them look a little harder for weapons, as they may end up on the flight with the guy who has a machete sticking out of his carry-on bag that they never saw.

Give these people a vested interest in finding potential dangers. You fall asleep behind the x-ray machine, you may not get fired because of your union, but you may die a horrifying death crashing into a building in a giant-jet-fuel-filled-phallus-of-doom. That's some serious motivation if you ask me!

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2/10/04
Kids are weird. If you don't have any, you should make it a point to talk to some. They can say and ask the most random things in their quest to make sense of the world.

This morning my son asked me:

"Dad, are ghosts real?"

"No buddy, ghosts aren't real, they're just pretend."

Then after along pause where he was obviously deep in thought, he followed up with:

"What about talking dogs?"

Pure comedy.

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2/09/04
I have always had a passion for seeing cocky, overly confident people get knocked down a few pegs. Hence my love of reality TV.

When I see beautiful people who lack any marketable talent, but feel the need to be all over TV anyway, make complete fools of themselves, I am filled with a great sense of joy.

I love when some marginally attractive retired professional cheerleader says something like, "I know the girls don't like me because they're just jealous of my looks." 
You're right princess, it has nothing to do with your shitty personality.

and another thing....!

From watching reality TV it has become apparent to me that our language is being bastardized into some strange form of sub-English that I like to call, "Retardish".

These people make up words, crucify words, and use completely inappropriate words.
"I can't work with him, he's so damn insultive."
"It's all about cynicalness with that guy."

I really get giddy when someone like the princess mentioned above says, 
"I'm totally nauseas!"
Note: If you're sick, you're nauseated, if you make others sick, you're nauseous. Yes, a lot of people make this error, but it doesn't change the fact that it's wrong. 

When assholes say, "I'm nauseous", they are subconsciously stating the obvious, (I make people sick), and that's awesome.

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2/06/04
My Grandma Lorraine Olive Ledin, (LOL) died this morning.  86 years old.  She was only sick for 4 hours.

My parent's parents are all dead now.  Death's slow march is leading it closer and closer, and I don't like that at all.

Lorraine Olive Ledin 1917-2004

*Update* on 2/13 my family flew down to my parent's house in Rancho Mirage for a little vacation, and being the insensitive prick that I am, I dubbed their house "The Orphanage".  Everybody laughed....although, they were probably laughing at the fact that I am going to hell, and they are not.

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2/05/04
I am addicted to caffeine, but I don't drink coffee, so instead, I drink coke for breakfast.  I fear that soda is going to rot my teeth out of my head, so on this day I am officially going to turn into a grown up.  I have given up on soft drinks for breakfast, and will begin my transition to coffee drinker.  This morning I had a big cup of black French roast, and it was only a little disgusting. 

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2/04/04
My eldest son, my wife, and I went to see the Lion King musical in San Francisco yesterday.  We left the 1.5 year old with his grandparents, we didn't feel that he deserved to go ;-)

It was cool. 
See it if you have a chance.  Don't see it if you don't have a chance, and if you are blind, then listen to it...if you have a chance.  If you are deaf, the you should...see it...if you have a chance.  If you are blind, and deaf, then you should probably go 'see' it if you have a chance, it'd be nice for you to get out...when you get the chance.

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2/03/04
There is always something to learn from the men's bathroom at work. Today I learned that the uncomfortable bunched up feeling I've been having all morning is due to the sad fact that my underwear are on both inside out, and backwards. I was too lazy to fix them, so they'll stay that way until I get undressed tonight.

When I'm near the vending machines at my office I always keep my eyes peeled in scavenger mode. Why you ask? Well, 50% of the time there is a savory vending machine treat sitting on the table to the left of the machine. 

From what I can surmise, there apparently is one or more fat fingered fellow employees who refuse to accept defeat when big fingers push the wrong buttons, and a snack that wasn't bargained for winds up behind the magic door. So, he instead puts the treat aside for some lucky scavenger like me, and most likely tries again. 

How do I know he tries again? Elementary my dear reader, elementary. First of all, he must have fat fingers, so if he gave up each time I've found an unwanted goodie, he'd be losing weight, and be making less mistakes pushing the little buttons. Secondly, all the unwanted vending machine fare I've stumbled upon has been of the low fat, or reduced fat variety, obviously he has no interest in shrinking his fat fingers with low fat food, so I doubt he would walk away empty handed. 

Today I found some Gardetto's Reduced Fat snack mix, I'm sure fat fingers was trying to press 53, which is a Snickers candy bar, and inadvertently hit 52.

This person also must make pretty good money, because he is constantly giving away perfectly good food. If it were me, it would go a little differently:

"Damn! I meant to hit 37."
*Watches in slow motion as some unwanted food is pushed off the edge to an uncertain fate*
"Argh! I don't want Chocolate Covered Fingernail Clippings! Oh well, 75 cents is good money. Maybe they're good."
And I'd eat every single one.

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2/02/04
My wife was cleaning the kitchen on Saturday, and since I knew I'd be sitting on my ass all day Sunday watching the Superbowl, I asked what I could do to help. She said, "How about clean the bathrooms?" No problem I thought.

She then handed me a bunch of cleaning products, and told me what they were for. 
"Use this on the mirrors, use this on the sink and countertops, and this one for the toilet." 
Ok, cool, I can handle this. Then she threw me a curveball. 
"Oh, and this one is for cleaning the shower."

**Awkward silence, punctuated by a dumfounded look**

"Clean the shower?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, "It's filthy."

"How can a shower be filthy?" I asked? "Doesn't it get cleaned at least twice a day?"

"No." she answered. "It gets used twice a day, not cleaned."

I don't get it. When I get soapy, I consider myself clean. So how does the shower not get clean when it gets all soapy?

She then went on to mention something about 'soap scum'.

Soap scum???!!! I'm not even sure that can even be classified as a member of the scum family, and if it is, it's got to be the very best kind of scum. If I were to be covered in any kind of scum, I'd want it to be soap scum!

C'mon! Isn't soap scum just displaced soap? I'm thinking about collecting the soap scum from around the house, and pressing it into an all new bar of soap.

She could see the confusion in my face, so she opened the shower to show me. "See, here is the soap scum, and look, this is mildew that grows when the shower gets dirty."

Hmm, mildew. Ok, I admit, mildew doesn't sound too good. However, I think the best way to defeat mildew would be to nurture the growth of soap scum, and let it do battle with the mildew.

Ideally I would like to have a perfect balance between soap scum, and mildew where they keep each other in check, and I would never have clean the shower again! 
...I didn't even bother running that idea by Deniece.

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