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 If
you are here to read old stupid stuff I have said, scroll down and
read away!
....then get a hobby!
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Archive
# 2
Nov.3 2003 - Dec. 29 2003
12/29/03
Well, Christmas has come and gone. My kids loved it, so it was
hard to be a grinch this year.
The Vikings........yes, they managed to lose the the cardinals, and
eliminate themselves from the playoffs. I have a feeling the gods of
football are doing some Job (j
b)
like test on some member of the Vikings franchise. To win 6 straight in
the beginning of the season, and then to go on an embarrassing slump that
included losses to THE worst teams in football, only to have one final chance at
making the post-season, and only one hurdle in the way....THE worst team in
football, the Phoenix Cardinals. How can this be?! Last week they
dominated the best (arguably), and this week they lost to the worst. CRAP!!!!
My 4 year old son actually cried when the Vikings lost, and we weren't even
watching the game, we were watching another game, and following the score of the
Vikings game. He actually laid on the floor sobbing. I had to tell
him that no team can win every year, and that it wouldn't be any fun if our team
won every game, and he said, "Yes it would.", and I agreed with him
fully.
2 New tutorials added!
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12/22/03
The other day talking with an admitted anti-Bush, pro anything left person, I
was hearing a bunch of stuff about losing our civil liberties because of the
patriot act. So, I asked him, "What civil liberties have you lost?
"Uh" he stammered, "Well, I guess none...yet."
"So, what are these civil liberties you're worried about?
"Well, privacy and stuff, the right to live without government
interference." Okay, not a bad answer, but I was setting him up for this
next part (I'm a bastard).
"Oh, ok, you mean our civil liberties as defined by our Bill of
Rights?"
"Exactly!" He stated, excited that maybe I was 'getting' it. He then
went on, "Bush should be removed from office for even thinking about
infringing on our civil liberties!" Now he was even helping me set him up
;-)
"So," I asked, "would this count for all of our civil
liberties?"
"Of course!" he exclaimed.
"Even the right to keep and bear arms?" I dropped the hammer.
"That's totally different!" he spat back sounding a bit defensive.
"How so? That is a part of our bill of rights, which you just admitted to
wanting Bush impeached for trying to infringe upon. Are you saying some civil
liberties should be defended, and some should not? Which ones are worthy of fighting for, and which ones should we
fight against? Please, I'd like to know this."
"You just don't get it." Was his last response before walking away.
He's right, I really don't.
By the way, I hate guns, however, I hate hypocrisy even more.
The Vikings beat
the Chiefs. I don't understand how in one season they can loose to awful
teams, and beat great ones. Any given Sunday I guess. Culpepper to
Moss, amazing. It's like magic every time he lofts one up, and Randy
somehow ends up with in the end zone.
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12/19/03
Another new tutorial added!
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12/18/03
New tutorial added.
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12/15/03
Saddam was captured! I think they found him
trying to wash his hair in a Denny's bathroom, but I'm not sure. I can't
seem to find anything about it on the news ;-)
The Vikings have now lost to the Giants, Chargers, Raiders, and Bears.
These are some of the worst teams in the league this year. They finish the
season at Phoenix, where they will be able to loose to the Cardinals, who ARE
the worst team in the league. My onetime 6-0 Vikings unbelievably
have no business anywhere near the playoffs.
I have added 3 new brush sets!!! 31, 32, 33. That makes 6 new sets
in 12 days. Time for a break.
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12/13/03
ANOTHER NEW BRUSH SET ADDED!!! I hope you
brush junkies out there appreciate my unhealthy need to please you!
;-)
Set # 30. That's a milestone!
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12/11/03
Apparently, there are such things as
"monogamous words", as in, words that will only properly will pair
with one other word. Here is a sample sentence with two pairs of
monogamous words highlighted and underlined.
"Monogamy can
wreak
havoc on
the libido of certain words, however, some poor words can only bide
their time
waiting to meet that special pronoun."
So, the only thing you can wreak is havoc, and the
only thing you can bide, is time. Weird.
Class dismissed.
New brush set added. #29 on the brushes page.
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12/10/03
In the animal kingdom populations are controlled in
many ways, some mysterious, and unknown to us, and some quite obvious.
Food supply, habitat limitations, predation, and of course, pandemic illness.
Human populations have been hit by pandemic illnesses over time, the bubonic
plague most notably. So, my question is, how long can we avoid the
proverbial 'big one'?
The influenza virus is always changing, and our fearless leaders are always
about one step behind it, but what happens when they fall 2 or 3 steps
behind. We are fighting mother nature tooth and nail at every turn, but I
fear that she has something big planned for the ever growing, population of
humans.
The Earth keeps itself in balance, but it has never seen a species like us who
are so effective at tipping the scales, and keeping them there. We create
imbalance, and we thrive on it. But believe me, Mama Nature is in her secret lab
day in and day out, brewing up a big batch of pesticide just for us. In seeking
balance she won't want to kill us all, just most of us!
Happy Holidays!
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12/09/03
My family and I went down to Rancho Mirage for a
long weekend, very nice weather, I did not want to come back. It's rainy
and gross here.
New brush set added!!! More tribal tattoo designs. See Set#28
on the brushes page.
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12/02/03
I think I can officially call the thing on my face a
beard now. Now I know, it takes 2 weeks exactly for my whiskers to become
a beard. So, that's the end of my beard growing experiment. I'd say,
the only thing more boring that watching grass grow, or paint dry, would be
watching a beard grow. I apologize!
So, here is a picture of 15 days of
growth. I'll post another update in a few weeks when it starts getting
bushy.
15 Days of Growth:
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12/01/03
So, in Rugby news, The London Irish beat the Sale
Sharks 9 to 3. (I've given up on American football, the Vikings are making
it too painful ;-).
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11/26/03
Ok, I have gone straight past the
Don Johnson (Miami Vice), and George Michael (sex-with-men-in-public-bathrooms)
look, and have gone right into the
'pathetic-recluse-who-uses-the-internet-to-talk-about-important-subjects-,like-his-beard'
look. Here I am trying to look tough with my new facial hair. No,
it's not working at all.
10 Days of Growth:
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in The US. In case you don't know, it's
the day we celebrate both swindling natives out of their
land, and the American sport of over-indulgence.
Tofurkey all around!
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11/25/03
I am afraid of, and for Iraq. The resistance fighters are being
paid by Saddam and his supporters, and the Civil Defense troops are being paid
by the Americans, and money is pitting brother against brother, where there is
little choice, when families must be fed.
I am afraid the US will pull out of Iraq too soon, and I'm even more afraid that
it will be around election time.
I'm afraid that a full withdrawal will be based on political motivation, and not
a result of 'completition'.
I am afraid for the lives of the brave souls that allow themselves to be elected
in the infancy of Iraq's democracy, they will be very visible targets.
I'm afraid that all that has been destroyed, compounded by the collapse of all
that we may build up, multiplied by the anger and resentment of the Iraqi's,
will equal a nation of volatile, passionate America haters that my sons may be
forced to face in battle one day.
I'm afraid that Iraq may never look like Kuwait, and may always end up looking
like Afghanistan, where warlords and fear rule with an iron fist.
Many complain about the cost of the war, and the cost of occupation. I say, stay
until the job is done, and spend every dollar that is required to do it right.
Every dollar saved, could result in another box-cutter wielding psychopath bent
on destroying the Land of Infidels, my children's land
Wow, that was completely un-funny.
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11/24/03
The Vikings won, and the Raiders lost. The
world makes sense again.
My beard continues to grow, and is now beginning to itch. The worst is,
however, yet to come.
8 Days of Growth:
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11/21/03
We all know how abhorrent, repellent, and repugnant child molesting is, but
what scurrilous adjectives can we come up with for parents who let their
children A) be friends with, and B) sleep in a bed with an accused
pedophile mutant who paid a child and his family $40 MILLION dollars to keep the
case out of court.
"Hey Billy, I know that tiger was accused of ripping Roy's head
almost clean off, but it hasn't actually been proven, so you go ahead,
and play with the nice tiger. Have fun! I'll be over here smoking
more crack"
Day 5 without shaving. It still feels ok. I'm just past the course
scratchy whisker stage, and it's starting to get soft. The itching has not
yet begun (that is the worst stage of beard growth).
5 Days of Growth:
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11/19/03
Not much has changed in 12 hours on the whisker
front. I'm beginning to feel dirty. The beginning stages of a beard
forces me to take at least 2 showers a day, as short whiskers seem to make my
face feel oily. Weird.
3 Days of Growth:
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11/18/03
My winter beard has started. I understand that this is not news, or of
any importance to anybody but me, but it's my site, so shut up. The winter beard has been a tradition of mine for about 6 years
now, and I have always wanted to monitor the growth rate, but never have, so
here's my chance. Woo hoo!
My last shave was on Sunday November 16th. So this 1st image, is:
2 Days Growth:
Nothing much to speak of yet. Not even venturing into George Michael
territory yet.
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11/17/03
The Vikings started the season with 6 straight wins, and now they
have lost 4 in a row. Yesterday they lost to the Raiders who had dropped 5
in a row, and are running on empty with a 3rd string has-been quarterback.
I hate football.
We had $5000 dollars worth of concrete poured on our side-yard last week
to make a fenced in dog run. Now the neighbor's pine tree is dripping sap
on our new concrete, so that in turn will get on the dog's feet, then end up
ruining our carpet that cost us $3200. I have been battling this damn pine
tree for 5 years. It drops all of it's needles on my roof, and side
yard, and I can't even park in my own driveway because of dripping sap. My
wife mentioned to the neighbor that we'd like it removed, and he said,
"You're not the 1st person whose lived in that house who have wanted it
gone." So, it looks like we may have a battle on our hands.
Great. We're ready to play hardball though. If he says he doesn't
want to remove it, we will say, 'Ok, we'll just remove all the branches on our
side.' which is most of them, so they'll be left with a REALLY ugly tree in
their yard. Stupid Raiders.
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11/14/03
The Vikings play the Raiders this weekend. The Vikings could
lose every game of the season, and that would not affect me as much as losing one
to the Raiders. I dislike them that much! Go VIKES!
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11/13/03
Why is facial hair on men not the norm? If you look at the highest
profile, i.e. most successful men in western society, most are clean shaven.
Why? There is not much in terms of external appearance that separates man from
woman. So why do the men of the world feel the need to shave off that which is
the definitive proof of their manhood (with clothes on)? Why do politicians,
executives, and middle managers alike try to look feminine by shaving their
beards? WHY? Are they trying to look like women, or is it that they want to look
like little boys? Which is equally creepy.
Give a clean shaven guy some Crispy-Crème-induced-man-boobs, make him miss a
couple haircuts, voila! You have my 7th grade math teacher, Mrs. Chapman!
I know a lot of guys think facial hair is uncomfortable, but you know what? A
sweaty scrotum sticking to your leg in the heat of summer is pretty damn
uncomfortable too, but you don't see many guys shaving those off!
Another excuse guys make for shaving is that their girlfriends, or wives don't
like facial hair. If you want to grow a beard, and your wife/girlfriend says she
doesn't like facial hair on men, simply tell her that she is a lesbian,
because if she doesn't like that which physically makes you a man above the
neck, she is probably not a big fan of the penis either.
By the way, my winter beard is on hold by order of the Mrs. until we can get our
family Christmas card photo taken. ;-)
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11/11/03
The Vikings lost to arguably the worst team in the league this season.
I consider myself a Chargers fan, and would have been thrilled to see Doug
Flutie come off the bench and save the day, IF they weren't playing the
Vikings. 6-3 is the record this week, and I'm on the verge of calling this
a "rebuilding year" ;-)
On an unrelated note, I was in a meeting this morning, and there was
some fruit provided. I chose some kind of little orange. Bad
choice. Not only is peeling an orange difficult in a meeting environment
where everybody's elbows are vying for position on the table in order to prop up
their heads that uncontrollably nod during these HELLISHLY boring marathon
meetings, but, oranges have seeds (this one especially). Picking seeds out
of your mouth during a meeting does not evoke a real aura of professionalism.
Now, this particular little orange had 33 seeds!!!! I had to pull a
slobbery seed out of my mouth 32 times (I accidentally swallowed one).
What does a small orange need with 33 seeds? I'm guessing there must be
some kind of welfare system that promotes excessive offspring among citrus, and
this orange was the the exemplary fruitarian welfare mother. Well, the
system is broken, because now she is dead and being digested in my stomach, and her
offspring are shriveling up in the garbage can in the HR conference room.
Quick, somebody start a relief fund for motherless orange seeds!
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11/05/03
How is it that the majority of abortion proponents are also anti
capital punishment? Seems like a weird negative correlation.
I want to write a bill that will legalize 'Extremely late term abortions', I'm
talking about abortions between 18 and 105 years after birth. It could be
used to end the suffering of those poor souls with extreme mental deficiencies,
like thinking sex with children is ok, or murdering others, or raping
people. That would be really kind wouldn't it?
"PENAL". Funny word right? Yes, but I am going to petition
to get it changed.
Seriously, I think they need to find a word other than "penal". I
often get confused by its usage. I was watching the news, and the anchorperson
said, "...and coming up, an in depth look at what's wrong with our penal
system." I'm thinking, "Our? What the hell does he mean OUR? I have my
very own penal system, and as far as I know, everything is working fine. Please,
no in-depth look!"
And then there's the "Penal Colony". Talk about cruel and unusual
punishment! Lock me up, throw away the key, but PLEASE, don't send me to a PENAL
COLONY! I'm still not sure what a penal colony is, but my speculation has led to
some frightening images in my mind. I see a vast array of different sexually
transmitted diseases struggling against the odds to eke out an existence in the
Penal Frontier land. Or perhaps penal colonies appear when a penis multiplies,
and divides like cells, and moves to different parts of the male body.
"Bob, you should really see a doctor about that penal colony on your
neck." Or maybe its some homosexual hotspot in the Greek Isles. I JUST
DON'T KNOW!
And that bothers me.
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11/04/03
I had a great, albeit completely frustrating night sleep last night.
It's the 1st night in years that I was able to remember most of my dreams,
however, the 1st dream somehow ruined them all.
For some reason I was back in college in a calculus class. The professor passed
out our 1st exams (taken pre-dream I guess). Everybody around me got great
grades, and I got a ZERO. That's right, not one answer was right. END OF DREAM.
No biggie right? WRONG.
Every subsequent dream I had was ruined when I remembered (in dream) that I had
failed that stupid test, that was taken in a completely unrelated dream.
I was playing billiards at a party filled with super models. I stopped to take a
drink of my beer, and mid-gulp I thought, "Holy crap! I got a ZERO!" END
OF DREAM.
I was swinging from tree to tree on vines like Tarzan, having a blast. I get to
the next Branch, and as I'm reaching for the next vine I think, "Oh shit!
I'm gonna fail that class." END OF DREAM.
I was digging a hole in my backyard to plant a tree, and found a metal chest
filled with money, and as I begin to count it, I think, "Who cares about
that test, I'm rich!" It's no use though, the very next thought is,
"That test is going to ruin my grade-point-average!" END OF DREAM.
DAMN!!!!! I rarely remember my dreams, and maybe that's for the best.
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11/03/03
I officially went nuts this weekend, with a chainsaw no less. I
cut down just about every living thing in my front yard. There was no
stopping me, and my wife and kids were egging me on. "Get that one
dad!", or, "You missed a tree over there!" I was like the
exact polar opposite of a tree hugging hippy. It's a good thing there were
no cute little white baby seals flopping around in the yard, they'd have been
goners.
If it weren't for the fact that the Raiders keep losing, I might be
losing my excitement for this NFL season. Yes, the Vikings dropped another
one at home, and now are only two games ahead of the Packers. 6-2 ain't
bad though.
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