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You clearly don't care, but I
tell you anyway. Blog Archive # 13 Jan. 2nd 2007 - Feb. 25th 2007 2/25/07 The little guy signed a sweet deal with the Red Sox.  I probably shouldn't disclose the particulars of his contract, but let me just say, hat, jersey, and free snacks after every game! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 2/23/07 I am testing embedded video. If you can't see it, you're probably better off. This is me on my way to work this morning. If you're offended by foul language, and seriously, why wouldn't you be, some of those words are dangerous...anyway, I tend to curse a lot when I'm in the car by myself, so you may want to steer clear. It's hard living life as an idiot. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 2/20/07 I saw this pumpernikel bread on the counter at home this morning. Germans are weird. "Klaus, ze bread is not zexy enough! We must have people about to haf zex on ze wrapper!"  I wonder if pumpernickel bread makes Germans horny. Thing 2 painted a self-portrait yesterday called, "Me as a Man"   I like to paint in the nude, he likes to paint in his MotoX pj's ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 2/19/07 We went down to San Jose to see the Nash family yesterday. Mika and Raiden are the cutest! Shawn and Erin are pretty damn cute too. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 2/16/07 I got a new phone that has a much better camera, so look for more random photos. Today I documented my walk to La Salsa to get lunch. This is me going down the stairs. I look frightened because taking a picture of yourself while running down the stairs is scary.  This is something that has pissed me off for a long time, and I always wanted to put it in my blog, but never got around to taking a photo of it. According to la Salsa, "The Spice of life isn't in a jar...it's in your attitude." WHAT THE HELL?! Who ever said the spice of life was in a jar?!?! The saying goes, "Variety is the spice of life." Variety isn't in a jar, but it sure as hell isn't in your attitude either! 432 ounces of unsweetened iced tea. I'll pee 12 times between now, and quitting time.  I never noticed this before today. It's good to walk around with a camera. This solidifies my opinion that assholes make the rules.  Happy Friday. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 2/15/07 Happy birthday Mom!! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 2/14/07 Tonight for valentines day, Deniece and I went to a valentine's day couples cooking class at the Viking cooking school in Walnut Creek. It was really fun. We made fancy stuff that tasted good.  ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 2/01/07 Thing 1 tested for his blue belt on Tuesday night. He did awesome. He has now pulled ahead of Deniece and I, and is our senior (we test for blue at the end of this month). Here he is doing Taegeuk Sa Jang (form):  Getting ready for 1-step sparring 4,5, and 6:  Ground self-defense #3:  Palgwe Sa Jang (form):  His board break was a jump side-kick. He got it 1st try. Stud. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1/29/07 I was about to begin working on something with a co-worker, and I said, "I'm just gonna run to the bathroom really quick before we start." On the way I realized that I was not in fact running, and that if I had said, "I'm just gonna walk to the bathroom really quick." that would have sounded odd. However, actually walking to a bathroom is normal, where running to the bathroom is even more odd. It then dawned on me that, "I'm just gonna run to the bathroom really quick." is actually code for, "I know we have stuff to do, but I have to go to the bathroom...don't worry, I'm not going to take a shit, so I'll be right back." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1/11/07
I'm concerned for our species.
If you go to the mall, and listen to young people, they are idiots. If you watch a TV show with young people on it, they are idiots. Famous people that young people look up to...idiots.
Stupidity is lauded these days.
I'm not sure if it's a status
symbol or what, but it seems
like people are competing to see
how badly they can fuck up the
English language. I know I'm
getting old, but when I was
young, I was admittedly quite
the underachiever, and to be
honest, dumb as a stone, but by
today's standards, I was Albert
Friggen Frankenstein, or
whatever his name was.
So let's say you're the most
popular kid in school, because
you speak Ebonics the best, and
are failing all of your
classes. You're the king of the
world! Until you get to the
real world, then stupidity isn't
quite so fun.
Who's to blame? I'll tell you
who's to blame. Housewives, and
gay guys who buy gossip
magazines that track the most
irrelevant minutia of
celebrity's lives. "Paris
took a crap at a McDonald's",
"Brittney went to sleep with
an itchy anus, and woke up with
a stinky finger",
"Lindsey ate a cupcake".
C'MON!!!!!! Don't buy those
magazines, and don't watch
Entertainment shows on TV. You are
perpetuating this god awful
fascination we have with
celebrity morons.
Why is Paris famous?! Is it
because she's rich? Nope. Is
it because she's pretty? God
no! Is it because
celebrity/gossip media outlets
need subject matter, and have
marketed their product so well,
that people buy it in droves,
and believe that, 'since she's
in a magazine, or on TV, she
must be worth paying attention
to!' Yes, that pretty much sums
it up.
Magazine runs story on idiot.
Consumer buys magazine to read about idiot. Magazine counts cash, and runs another story on idiot, because the last one sold. Consumer buys magazine to read about idiot, because surely a magazine wouldn't 2 stories about a person if they were unimportant. STOP THE CYCLE!!!!!!! My message to you: Stop rewarding stupid celebrities with your attention. My message to celebrities: Call me, we should hang out. Gay guys and housewives who don't read celebrity rag magazines, please don't email me to yell at me. I was making a joke. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1/05/07 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1/03/07 Four and a half is when kids start to say some pretty messed-up stuff.
My little guy got a Superman
toothbrush that vibrates, and
after brushing his teeth last
night he was running through the
house chanting, "DooDooMilkshake-DooDooMilkshake-DooDooMilkshake!"
I asked him why he was saying 'Doo
Doo Milkshake' ,and he told me,
"That's the sound my new
toothbrush makes when it's in my
mouth."
This morning on the way to
school, Thing 1, and Thing 2
were pretending they were
cousins, and talking about how
they were born. The Big guy
said he was born in a hospital,
but landed on a rocket, and shot
out of the window, and got
rocket powers. The little guy
then said, "Daddy when I was
born, I had a rocket attached to
my butt, and I shot out the
window too...and I think I was
Chinese."
I would pay good money to be
able to think like a 4 year old
from time to time.
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I have an idiot for a neighbor.
She's about 40, and kind of a
mess. When we moved in about 9
years ago, she had a husband,
but they divorced soon after,
and she got the house, and I'm
guessing some nice alimony,
because she hasn't worked
since. Actually, I'm not sure
how good the alimony was because
I think she was bilking the
state for disability money too,
and she is not
disabled.
New Year's eve, we were all
inside having quality family
time, and I decided to take the
garbage out. Once outside the
front door, I hear a loud
discussion, and crying. "Why'd
you run? You didn't have to run
away" I hear a young man saying
amidst the sobbing of a woman.
People were walking back and
forth between a maroon SUV, and
my neighbor's garage. I then see
my neighbor stumble out of the
garage crying. She sees me in
the front yard, and says, "I jus
totally wrecked my car, and I
don't think I even scratched
theirs!" She saying this as
she's bent over thoroughly
inspecting my white pickup truck
parked in front of my house. I
say, "Uh, that's my
car." The one you hit is over
there."
She then proceeds to walk to the
maroon SUV, but with that
sideways drunk walk where the
eyes, and the feet are not
working together. I follow,
because I want the scoop.
Apparently, she sideswiped this
maroon SUV ON THE FREEWAY, and
then tried to getaway, and they
followed her. These people were
a SUPER nice black
family. It looked like maybe
Grandpa (60ish), mom (40ish),
and son(20ish). The mom said,
"Honey, you didn't have to run,
and you shouldn't be driving
drunk." To which my genius
neighbor said, "Oh, I'm not jrunk, I'm hypoglycemic, and I
was jus ashleep at the wheel,
and I just got kicked out of
nursing school." The mom kind
of laughed, and said, "Oh, ok
baby, sorry about nursing
school, and you gotta take care
of that hypoglycemia."
At this point, I'm thinking,
'You're fucked neighbor lady!
Hit and run, DUI...buh bye!' but
then grandpa comes around the
car, and puts his arm around
her, and says, "Don't worry
young lady, we're not going to
get you in trouble. We'll just
let the insurance companies
handle it."
I was stunned. What an awesome
family. I'd be so pissed if
this dumb bitch crashed me on
the freeway, while totally
shitfaced, and then tried to
getaway, but these people calmly
took her information, gave her a
hug, wished her luck, and let it
be. Most people are better than
me...except my neighbor, she
sucks.
The cynic in me wonders if maybe
this kind of forgiveness among
black people when they are
wronged by white people is
common. I wonder if Grandpa
through experience felt it would
be prudent to settle it without
the police. Justice probably
would have been served,
but maybe he felt it wasn't
worth it calling the police to a
scene in a white neighborhood
where 3 black people, and a
sobbing white woman were
involved.
Either way, major karma points
coming for that family. I'm
glad my ass-wipe neighbor didn't
kill them on the freeway.
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