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You clearly don't care, but I
tell you anyway.
Archive #12
04/025/06 - 12/28/06
12/28/06
Christmas has come and gone. The boys had a great time. I'm at work which is dumb. There is nobody here. I have a lot to do, which sucks, because I specifically asked Santa for very little, or nothing to do. Weak.
I shaved
my beard. Normally when I shave off
a big beard, I go with some silly
looking mustache trying to be
ironic. This time I took a
different route.
She will
be missed.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yesterday around lunch I got a
call from Thing1's teacher
who said, "He hit his head, and
is bleeding profusely, and he's
covered in blood. He doesn't
know how it happened. We
have pressure on it, he seems
ok, do you want us to call the
paramedics, or come get him?!"
Since we work 5 minutes from school I opted to go get him.
I
got to the office, and found him
sitting there holding a
basketball, that was covered in
blood, holding a blood soaked
towel to his head, smiling ear
to ear when he saw me. He
looked like a bystander to a
grisly murder scene, but he was
happy.
The cut had stopped bleeding at
that point, so we headed to the
hospital, and he got cleaned up,
and stapled. He never
cried, and he wasn't even
scared...even though he told
me the office lady who was
holding the towel to his head
was shaking so bad it was making
his head move, and he said,
"...that kind of freaked me
out."
 Battle Damage Thing 1 Action figure With Kung Pao Grip 
We
went back to school to get his
homework, and see his teacher.
She was REALLY relieved that he
was ok. We went to the
scene of the crime, and found
that he had walked into the
corner of a head-high electrical
box. He told me he wishes
it was still Halloween, so he
could be a "Frankenstein Ninja".
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hi internet, sorry it's
been so long. I know you
probably hate me, and you'd be
right to. I'm sorry...it's
not you, it's me. I am a
sucky blogfriend. I think
you deserve better. No,
it's nothing that you've done, I
promise! I'm just going
through some stuff.
What stuff?
Well, I'm trying to figure out
where this is going. I
mean, c'mon, you're the
internet. I'm just some
idiot hunt and pecking at a
keyboard. You see, that's
something I was never able to
admit to you...I can't type.
There's a lot about me you don't
know.
Yes, I realize you know
everything about where I go on
the internet. Crotchless
panties?! Well yeah, I did
a google search on those, but I
was going to buy them for you!
For us. But that's just
it. How would I even know
what size to buy? You're
the internet! And to be
honest, I don't really like you
following me around cyberspace.
I sometimes feel trapped.
I mean, how would you feel if I
did a google search on 'free
porn'? You know very well that
most guys search for stuff like
that, but since we've been
together...
You what?
Someone else?
Who?
How many?
Wow.
No, that's cool, I mean, I was
going to break up with you
anyway.
Fine!
By the way, I hate your friends!
Page not found?!
10/27/06
Today I found out that this guy
named Conrad who used to work
for the company my wife and I
work for, a guy who I honestly
thought was one of the coolest
guys here, is going to prison
for molesting a 9 year old girl.
He
plea bargained down to
"Committing a lewd act with a
child" from the more serious
charge of "Continuous sexual
abuse of a child". He's
going away for 6 years. I
hope he meets a few pissed off
gang bangers with nothing to
lose who wish they were home
being good fathers to their
daughters. I really liked
that guy, but it's not hard to
wish harm on him. He
deserves whatever he gets.
I've always considered my self a
good judge of character, and am
usually guarded with people,
because quite honestly, I don't
like most of them. This
guy Conrad was funny, outgoing,
and just a really charismatic
guy. You would never have
guessed he was a fucking
scumbag, the lowest of the low.
I hate that I ever even shook
the guy's hand, or laughed at a
joke of his.
The article I was shown said he
picked the girl up from school,
so that means it was probably
his granddaughter, or some
relation, because kidnapping
wasn't mentioned. Child
abuse is sickening, and when you
add in the fact that this piece
of shit was molesting a child
that trusted him to protect her
from harm as Grandfathers are
supposed to do, it makes it even
worse.
I
hate PC bullshit that makes
excuses for the scum of the
Earth. Usually the 1st
thing we hear about child abuse
cases is that the accused
suffered abuse as a child.
I'd like to hereby call bullshit
on that. Yes, people who
were abused as children are more
likely to abuse when they are
adults, but you know what?
That excuse sucks. Adults
know what is right and wrong.
Adults know what pain they
suffered at the hand of an adult
when they were young, and
understand that nobody deserves
that. You know who doesn't
understand these things?
Sickos. Human garbage.
Wastes of skin.
My
mom was sexually abused as a
child, and grew up in a really
shitty household, and you know
what? She did not abuse
us. She loved us, and
cared for us, and protected us,
like adults are supposed to.
It's time to make sure these
pieces of shit learn how to
control their unnatural urges.
It's time to start making
examples out of them.
Mandatory castration and public
humiliation would be a good
start, and how about a big black
tattoo on the forehead that
reads, "CHILD MOLESTER". I
think those steps would go a
long way.
If
you met this guy, and spent time
with him, you would have really
liked him. That fact
frightens me to death. He
seemed like a really great guy,
the kind of guy you may even
trust to watch your children.
Trust No One.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Let me tell you why I suck as a
person.
This morning on the way to
work/school, we saw some police
cars, and an ambulance up ahead.
As we passed, right outside my
window, there was a ten
speed bike crumpled, a car
pulled off to the side, and
a guy on a gurney being put into
the ambulance, and here are the
things I thought...in order.
1) I
hope my
sons didn't see that.
2)
That is going to bum
me
out all day.
3) I
wonder if that
lady
(the driver) is drunk.
4) I
hope
that guy is ok.
I
thought about 3 people before I
expressed any concern for the
dude who was just HIT BY A CAR
ON HIS BIKE!
Like I said, I suck as a person,
and somebody should revoke my
license because I barely
qualify.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have a beard. Big deal
right? Wrong. People
at work simply cannot shut up
about it.
I don't understand. It's
like some of these idiots have
no idea how a beard happens.
I have actually said to people
who have commented, "Yeah,
when men stop shaving, they get
a beard! Weird huh?"
Walking back to the office with
my lunch, I ran into a guy who
works for my company, and he
said, "Wow, FURFACE!" I
just laughed, and kept going.
Just now, I saw the same guy in
the hall, and he said, "So, are
you going as wolfman for
Halloween!?"
It's a fucking beard you idiot.
This is what happens naturally
to the face of most men when
they don't shave!!!! Get
over it! I should have
asked him if he was going as
a woman for Halloween, because
his shaving everyday is putting
a lot more effort into his
"Halloween costume" than me
not
shaving.
The last time I grew a beard a
marketing manager said to me,
"You're lookin' a little
scruffy!". I just laughed
it off, and resisted the urge to
say something about his
appearance...60 lbs overweight,
and wearing a tucked in Cosby
sweater. Good lord man!
How dare you say ANYTHING about
somebody's appearance when
you're wearing a Cosby
sweater...TUCKED IN!
I love growing beards.
It's my birth right. I can
never keep them too long,
because they start to bug me,
and they make me look old, but
if people don't stop giving me
shit about them, I'm going to
grow it down to my dick, and
never shave it off.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This just in:
There has been a total of 47
school shootings in the last 18
minutes.
Seriously, WTF?! What
could possibly make parents feel
their kids are safer at school
than a one room Amish
schoolhouse?
I
just wish that some of these
douchebuckets wouldn't kill
themselves, and we as a nation
agreed that a clear, and
brutally effective example must
be set. It's not fair that
these shit stains get to take
the easy way out. It's
like calling "Not It!" when you
are clearly it, or "Base" while
making up an entirely new home
base in a game of tag, or "Time
Out!" when you are about to be
tagged in that game of tag.
Not fucking fair.
I
HATED leaving my kids at school
today.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 10/02/06
I started my Winter beard really
early this year. Actually,
I stopped shaving about 2 and a
half weeks ago...when it was
still Summer. I'm still
calling it a Winter beard
though, so shut up. I am
planning on making this one
totally ridiculous. If I
can go till Christmas, it will
be a giant furry mess, and
that's kind of what I'm going
for.
I forgot to mention that I
skated pacifica two Saturdays
ago. That park is so rad,
but traffic on the way there,
and the way back is not
cool at all. My knee felt
fine, and my ribs are about
99.5%, so basically, I am ready
to start skating a lot
more...just in time for the
rainy season.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
There's a kid in my son's class
named Ricky Ricardo. How
rad is that?!
I'm going to try and get my son to change his name to Fred Mertz. I may have to bribe him with a Gameboy game though. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
9/27/06
Kids rule.
They are so mentally adaptable,
and psychically resilient it
amazes me.
Thing 1 as you know has been
swamped with homework, but he
hasn't complained yet. He
just does it. He's still
the same happy kid he's always
been. I'd be pitching a
fit daily.
Thing 2 is at the age (4) where he's growing pretty fast, and while he's normally super coordinated, lately he's been eating shit...a lot. Last week we went to a Giant's game, and on the way up to get food, he tripped on one step, and domed himself on the corner of the next step. He got a huge purple Fred Flintstone bruise/knot on his forehead, and he was over it in a minute or two. A few days before that he was playing on the mini-ramp in socks (really slippery), and his feet shot out, and he landed eyebrow first on the transition, and got a sweet shiner for his efforts. Someday I'm going to do connect the dots on his bruises with a sharpie. If the dots make an image of the Virgin Mary, I could make a lot selling him on Ebay.
I have been
broken all summer, and haven't
skated at all. My ribs are
almost all better, and my knee
has good days, and bad days.
I think this week I'm going to
skate Walnut Creek on my lunch
break. I'll let you know
what I break.
Almost
3 hours of homework last night.
My personal "Daddy Time" is
being seriously encroached upon.
I am drinking less, and watching
less TV...not cool Ms. Teacher
Lady, not cool.
The Vikings won their 1st game,
so that's good. The new
head coach however said
something that made me
chuckle...at him.
"I am tremendously humble and
was a little emotional after the
game."
Yes, it is possible to be
tremendously humble, except
when you say it about yourself.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
9/8/06
When I
was in second grade I had ONE
homework assignment. I had to
write a report on Vikings. My
mom did most of the work, including
drawing a kick-ass Viking ship for
the cover. Thanks Mom!
By the way Mom, if you feel like
moving in for a year, your grandson
would love to have you do his
homework for him.
We have belt testing tomorrow
for purple. I'm not
looking forward to being a
purple belt. While the
Minnesota Vikings are my
favorite football team, and they
do wear purple, that
doesn't change the fact that
purple clearly falls on the
feminine side of the spectrum.
No, not for everything. I
have a purple Vikings hat I
wear, but we're talking about a
purple BELT...to be worn
with a white pajama combo.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 8/29/06 The 1st day of school went swimmingly. Nobody related to me got naked. It's awesome only having one place to drop the boys off. Pre-school + daycare for 2 is going to cost over 10 grand this year, so that hurts, but at least the little guy kept his clothes on for the 1st day.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1st day of school. It
still depresses me.
Both boys now go to the same
school. Thing2 is in
Pre-School, and Thing1 is in 2nd
grade.
Last night I was giving Thing2 a
bath, and we were talking about
school. I was trying to
feel him out to see if he was
nervous, because for most of his
life he has been at a small
daycare with between 4, and 6
kids, and this is going to be a
big change for him. In the
midst of this conversation
without even looking up from his
bath toys, he told me, "I'm
gonna get naked at school."
I'd say he's not that nervous.
We dropped the boys off this
morning, and I had to get to
work, so I couldn't hang around
for very long, but Deniece
stayed, and made sure they were
ok. She said Thing1's
teacher is a hardass. She
made the kids stand up behind
their desks, and say their
names, and where they were from
using a complete sentence.
If a kid slouched, or leaned on
their desk, they had to start
over. AWESOME!
This teacher is known for being
tough, and for giving lot's of
homework. At the end of
last year the 1st grade teachers
got together to place the new
2nd graders with an appropriate
teacher. While I am
completely bummed that we'll be
doing homework all the time, I
am glad that they thought he was
ready for a "hard" teacher.
I have a fear that Thing1 will
get picked on by bullies, and
while I know that Thing2 will
not be a bully, I fear for any
bully that tries to pick on
him...he takes zero shit.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 8/25/06
I got an X-Ray on my knee
yesterday. I won't know
the results until my appointment
on Tuesday, but I'm almost
positive the x-rays will show
the alien embryo that
is gestating under my kneecap.
He's growing bigger, and
stronger each day. I call
him Zartfon.
I've been injured many times,
and I have been subjected to a
variety of limps, however, none
have been as sucky as the limp I
have going on now. I can't
straighten my left knee, nor can
I bend it too far. The
resulting hobble for some reason
makes me lean over a little, and
I end up hunching a bit.
That along with the goofy ass
un-bending leg make me look like
a cave man. The harder I
try to move like the Homo
Sapiens, the more I look like a
shaved down Neanderthal.
If you humans keep looking at me funny, I'm gonna bash you with my wiping stick. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 8/21/06
If you're an American male with
foreskin (normal penis), or
legally in charge of an American
male with foreskin (normal
penis), you should watch out for
American doctors. They
really have it in for the
foreskin.
A couple months ago, Thing 2
(4y/o) was complaining about
pain in his penis. Deniece
took him to the doctor, and they
immediately screamed
"CIRCUMCISION!". The pain
went away while he was still at
the doctor. A few weeks
later we went to a urologist,
and he screamed,
"CIRCUMCISION!". We then
decided to get a second opinion,
from another urologist, and he
said, "He's fine."
Long story short. He's
never had any other problems
aside from a couple hours of
slight discomfort, probably due
to Phimosis (scar tissue that
prevents the foreskin from being
retracted), which is gone now,
and he can fully retract it
without any issue.
Why do American doctors hate the
foreskin? I'm guessing
like me, they're just pissed
that they don't have one.
Deniece and I read a lot about
phimosis on the internet, and
were well equipped with
penile-knowledge which is why we
requested a second opinion.
I'm thinking about making a
t-shirt for him that says: The
Internet saved my foreskin.
Where was the internet when they were doing unnecessary cosmetic surgery on my penis! Stupid Al Gore.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
We went to New Hampshire for a
week of family, and fun.
My kids got to play with, and
spend quality time with each of
their cousins. It was good
to see everybody. I could
live in New Hampshire, or
Vermont, or Connecticut, or
Massachusetts, or Arizona, or
Colorado, or Oregon, or Texas,
or East Armpit, or...just about
anywhere other than Northern
California, I am completely over
it.
My ribs are getting better.
They still hurt occasionally,
mostly when I lay down. 54
days, and I'm still not healed.
That's just stupid.
Our dumb dog almost died
again. She got into the
garbage, and got some Chocolate
Calcium candy supplement things.
I don't ever remember any of us
humans ever eating one, so it
was full, and they ate a lot of
them. She was in a daze
for about a week, and could
barely walk. We even had
"the talk" with the boys.
We should have known she would
come back. I'm starting to
think this sickly little thing
might live to be 40.
I'm also starting to wonder if
the poo snacks she eats are
sustaining her...like a
Vampooer.
7/24/06
We rented the Dukes of Hazzard
movie the other night. It
was about what I expected,
thoughtful, intelligent,
groundbreaking cinematography,
and topped with a beautiful
score.
One thing bugged the crap out of
me though. At one point
Daisy was wearing a disguise so
she wouldn't be noticed
gathering info about Boss Hogg's
secret plan. She had a
hat, a wig, some sunglasses, but
she was wearing Daisy Dukes!
C'mon Daisy! That's like
wearing a nametag!
The ribs felt better, so I skated on my lunch break Monday. I wasn't planning on doing anything real, just carving around the bowl. It felt good. I was felling confident. I decided to step it up a notch, and go as fast as I could, and try some new lines. So, I was flying into the deep end, and I hit a little tree bud that had fallen into the bowl. My board stopped, and I got pitched into a solid cement wall going between 10-15 miles per hour. Somehow, the ribs didn't even feel it. Everything else did though. Now two days later, I can barely lift my arms above my head. Everything is sore. It feels like I did 200 push-ups, or even like I crashed into a cement wall at speed. Stupid skateboarding.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On
the way to skate camp, Thing 1
and I were listening to They
Might Be Giants (one of his
favorite bands), and he said,
"Dad, turn the music down, so we
can talk." I turned the
music down, and he laid this
little gem on me.
"Dad, wouldn't it be awesome if
sharks had arms, and big pockets
filled with popsicle sticks, and
then they would catch fish with
their hands, and stick popsicle
sticks in them, and eat them
that way?"
And quite honestly, I can't
think of anything that would be
much more awesome than that.
I skated a little while with him
before the camp counselors, and
other kids showed up. I
finished up a run by rolling out
of the deep, tried to step on
the deck, missed, stepped into
the bowl, fell like 175 lbs. of
bricks on the deck, and landed
with my ribs on my fist which
was on the concrete...CRACK!!
At least 1 broken rib...good
morning Mr. Dumbass. It
only hurts to breathe, and move,
so I'll be fine.
6/15/06
Today marks the 10 year anniversary of my marriage to Deniece. Easily the best 10 years of my life so far.
Happy anniversary Ball and
Chain!!!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I would imagine that satan plays by his own rules, and following some pope's calendar doesn't really seem in character (from what I've seen in movies).
Anyway, good luck, and watch out for
brimstone (sulfur) it's quite
smelly.
I don't watch a lot of "reality"
shows, but NBC has a great one
called Dateline. I watched
it last night, and the premise
is AWESOME.
Here's how it works.
Dateline poses as an underage
boy or girl looking for sex on
the internet. They invite
the pedophile over. When
the bad guys get there, the fake
underage person calls to them,
and tells them to come in, and
have some fresh baked cookies.
The sickos sit down, eat some
cookies, and then in walks Jeff
Probst or somebody similar, and
he starts asking him questions
about why he's looking for sex
with a 14 year old.
The perverts they showed were
pretty candid, and admitted they
have a problem, and that they've
done this many times before.
Then some of them even thanked
the reporter (I'm guessing they
were thinking they got off
easy). So the pedophile
says goodbye, and walks out of
the house, where he is
immediately tackled and
handcuffed by police.
BURN!!!!!
One sick piece of shit was there
looking for sex with an underage
boy with his 5 year old son in
tow. I say castrate first,
and ask questions later.
The tribe has spoken. I hate people.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I
have a decent turn back hook kick
that I have yet to use in sparring
at this school. Mainly because
I am rusty with it, but also because
it's kind of dangerous, and I don't
want to be the guy who hurts a
fellow student. Anyway, the
1st guy I sparred was a purple belt
about 44 years old, and about 4
inches shorter than me. For
some reason, I decided to do the
turn back hook, and of course got
him in the head. I pulled it a
bit, so it wasn't that hard, and he
was fine, but I felt bad anyway.
Enter Karma.
The
next guy I sparred was about 23
years old, on the sparring team, in
the "Excel" class (reserved for
badasses), and he's about 6'4".
I have sparred this guy before, and
he kicks hard. However, in
belt testing it's not supposed to be
about killing your opponent, it just
supposed to be about showing what
you know. Well, this guy
apparently knows how to knock people
out with a roundhouse to the jaw.
He
seems like a nice guy, so I'm sure
he didn't mean it, but we both threw
roundhouses at the same time, and
his hit me in the cheek on the right
side, and I was out cold before I
even hit the mat...face first.
I was unconscious for between 20 and
40 seconds (I'm told). I don't
remember a whole lot after that,
just bits and pieces. I do
remember sitting on a bench, and
somebody (Deniece maybe) handing me
a water, and I spilled it on my
pants, and I remember thinking,
"Fuck, people are going to think I
pissed myself."
Anyway, my jaw is hurting today (the
tm joint on the left side). I
also have bruises, and swelling
inside my lips, and cheek, from
either when I got hit, or when I hit
the floor, I'm not sure. There
is also a HUGE painful bruise inside
my thigh from the 1st guy I sparred.
Luckily the boys were playing in the
other room, and didn't see it.
Deniece didn't like seeing it too
much. I kind of remember
seeing her lip quivering, but I also
remember my eyeballs vibrating back
and forth, and everything sort of
quivering.
Nothing like a hard reboot of your
brain....in front of 70 people.
So embarrassed.
Jaw injured lip/cheek bruised and battered Pride destroyed
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I watched it once with my mom. There was a hot chick, and a grey-haired dude...that's all I know.
I hope someone in charge of elections,
or the Rock The Vote people, or even
Puff Daddy were paying attention to the
voting. Think about the voter
turn-out we'd have in ALL elections if
we could just phone it in.
Somebody get to work on that please.
Ok,
I've gone over $cientology a few
times, but there is another
"religion" that scares me.
Mormonism. Actually, from
outward appearance, Mormonism seems
a lot less sinister than the lawyer
powered $cientology, but something
about it really gives me the creeps.
I think it's those blond teenagers
wearing dark pants, and white
short-sleeve button down shirts with
a tie...and a bike helmet.
Whenever I see them, and realize
they are out on a "mission" to
convert you and I, I get a real
children of the corn kind of vibe.
Mormonism Fun Facts:
(Go ahead and bring up these points the next time a Mormon knocks on your door)
They wear 'magic'
underwear
that will protect them from evil.
The
Garden of Eden is in Missouri.
God
lives near a star named Kolob.
Mormons baptize dead people...a lot
of them.
They believe they will be a god
of their own planet after death.
You
need to know a secret handshake, and
password to get into heaven.
The
sun, and moon are inhabited because
God wouldn't want that much land
wasted.
Joseph Smith needed magical devices
to translate the Book of Mormon.
Joseph Smith didn't want polygamy in
Mormonism, but a powerful angel with
a sword threatened him, and made
him.
The Earth once orbited Kolob, but when Adam and Eve ate the apple, it fell to orbit around current sun.
Jesus is the savior of many worlds,
and Satan is the bad guy of those
worlds.
Joseph Smith had a few 14 year old wives.
Joseph Smith liked to marry woman
who were already married to other
men.
Utah leads the nation in bankruptcy
filings. The 10% tithe is NOT
optional for Mormons if they want a
"Recommend" (a ticket that allows
them to enter the temple).
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
05/12/06
I enjoy good food, but, I enjoy
really crappy food even more.
I'm thankful that I am not a food
snob, because there's a lot more
crap food out there than good food.
I have a real love affair with bland food, which I think is due to my Scandinavian heritage (Swedish). While most people were eating turkey, or duck, or goose for Christmas dinners, my family was chowing down on the all together flavorless Potatiskorv (potato sausage), and cherishing every flavorless bite, only knowing we were eating something because we could feel it in our mouths.
My favorite after school snack
growing up was passed down from my
grandpa to my dad, and onto my
siblings and I. Crackers in
Milk. Simple, elegant,
delicious, and completely bland.
You should try it, here's the secret
recipe:
Crumble up some saltines in a bowl pour milk over it like cereal.
DELICIOUS!
I still have an unnatural fondness
for saltine crackers, however, just
like one day I decided to switch
from Coke to Diet Coke, a few years
ago I switched from regular saltines
to "Unsalted Saltines". I felt
the salty ones just had too much
flavor. If you would like to
try an unsalted saltine, (and why
wouldn't you?), but you don't have
any handy, just open your mouth, and
leave it open for about 7 hours so
it completely dries out...now quick,
taste! HMMMMM
flavorless..
Currently my favorite meal would be:
Parmesan Goldfish crackers, and a
giant unsweetened iced tea.
A true delight for the palate, and
fine dining sensibilities alike.
Unfortunately I get this meal on
rare occasion, and only at work.
The main reason that I only eat it
at work is because I wouldn't want
my kids thinking it's ok to eat like
a white trash idiot.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
05/01/06
Every time I start a new tube of toothpaste I think, 'Ok, this one will be different. I'm going to replace the cap each time, and keep it clean', But despite my best efforts, near the end of the tube's life, it is encrusted with dried paste, cap long gone, stray hairs clinging on for the ride, and shitty breath becomes a better option.
I think the toothpaste tube is
an apt metaphor for just about
everything in life. The
more you mess with it, the
messier it gets.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
4/26/06
We
had a pretty intense night last
night. After tucking the boys
in, I was in the den on the
computer, and Deniece was doing the
dishes in the kitchen, she gave the
dogs the left over sticky rice that
had been sitting in the rice cooker
since dinner. After few
minutes I went in the kitchen, and
Deniece and I were talking.
Daisy, the greyhound was acting
weird, standing really close to me.
After talking for a bit, I went to
check the boys, and in the hall I
found Belle, the whippet laying on
the ground, not moving, foaming at
the mouth.
I
assumed she had a seizure, because
she's epileptic, and that's what she
does. I called Deniece, and
she noticed rice in the foam, and
said, "Oh shit, she's choking on the
rice I just fed them (about 4
minutes ago at that point).
She was conscious, but only a
little, and pretty unresponsive.
We started digging the rice out of
her throat, and it was PACKED in
there. We kept pulling big
chunks out. She was fading at
this point, and went unconscious.
Her tongue was dark blue. We
got to the point where we couldn't
reach the rice that was still packed
in her throat, so Deniece carried
her lifeless limp body to the
kitchen.
At
that point we couldn't reach
any more rice, so I stuffed her big
blue tongue back in her mouth, held
her snout shut, and started doing
mouth to mouth (nose) on her.
My breaths were filling her lungs, I
could see her chest heave.
Then the air would just seep out,
but at about the 9th breath, she
actually kind of pushed a breath
out, and I could see that she was
conscious, and there was life in her
eyes. After 5 more breaths,
she pushed a breath out a little
harder, and then took a shallow
breath on her own. She was
alive.
She
laid on the counter, not moving, and
only breathing shallowly for about 5
minutes, then we moved her into the
living room, and put her on her bed,
and laid with her. We squirted
a tiny bit of water in her mouth to
help her swallow the rest of the
rice that was still stuck, and after
about 10 minutes, she was fine, and
acting like nothing had ever
happened.
We
lost her, but she came back... it
was amazing. She was without
oxygen for over five minutes, but
she's no more brain damaged now than
she was before. She should be
dead. I'm REALLY glad she got
a second chance. It would have
been a tough morning when the boys
woke up, had she died.
I'm
pretty sure she doesn't remember me
making out with her on the kitchen
counter, because there was no
awkwardness at breakfast this
morning, so that's good too.
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